On Letting Go

So I finally seem to be in the mood of writing a blog.

Yet as I sit down to write, nothing immediately comes to mind. It just seems to be more about my emotions, I guess.

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Ever since everyone left for college, I've been thinking a lot about the friends I have and what they mean to me. It's kind of sad, haha. I don't consider a great too many people to be my actual friends, even less to be good friends, even less great friends etc. etc.

You could speculate whatever you wish as to why this is, but I'm gonna try to explain it.

I feel like I give a lot to my friends. My dad is actually always bringing it up, saying I don't do nearly enough for them (my parents) in comparison to my friends. Because of this, I guess I have a higher expectation than most as to what to expect from friends, and I feel like very few people actually fullfill that. I mean, I remember when people were writing blogs telling everyone individually why they were great friends and stuff and when I attempted to write one, I pretty much failed because I felt like I couldn't come up with enough for most people (it was in draft for like 6 months).

When I think about friends, I think about people that will listen to me no matter what. People that will drop something to come comfort me (I realize some things are more important than listening to me talk). People that actually truly want to hang out with me, rather than feel like it's just one of their obligations as a "friend." That's about all I look for really. When I try to call most people, they either don't answer or are too busy. It's alright though, people have their lives to live. I understand that.

Truth is, I've felt like this a lot.

Now that everyone is gone, I feel even more forgotten and left out. Like I mentioned in one of my previous blogs, I'm always too young for the college kids, and outcasted by the high schoolers for having graduated. It's not really on purpose, in both cases it's more about my inability to fit in.

You're probably thinking this is just some Berto whining, like always. It's okay, you can think whatever you want, I guess if you made it this far you actually care to some extent. The truth is, I'm perfectly happy. Most people seem to take my observations as whining and complaining, and that's alright, it does sound like it, but I'm telling you right now that it isn't.

It seems I'm just trying to explain it to myself as much as anyone else. It helps me to put my thoughts, feelings and observations into writing to make sure I'm being rational, because if one things bugs me in this world, it's people who are irrational.

I realize I haven't been the funnest person to hang out in the past because I was moody or emo or whatever you want to call it. That's understandable, I'm not blaming anyone for anything. There's just a big difference in calling like 10 people and finally getting one of them to come hang out as compared to having someone call you.

Well, I think I'm done with that ridiculous rant. Moving on.

::

So as the year comes to and end, it is a common reaction to start reflecting upon the past year. All in all, I'm pretty happy with who I am and what I'm about. Mostly because I know exactly who I am and what I'm about haha. If you come to realize something, it should be that you should find yourself and make yourself who you want to be. With this, I've come to be a happy person and love life.

Many many things happened this year, holy cow.

And right now, my mind is filled with too many things, to the point where my paragraphs don't make sense because I jump around a lot. haha.

So I will end with some year-end thoughts:

-I went to 12 concerts.

-I got a 3.0 gpa for my fall semester, which makes my overal gpa 3.12.

-I got a yellow shirt for Christmas. I will be looking forward to wearing it.

-I played drums in front of people more than I ever have before.

-I got into a bunch of crazy bands (but not as crazy as Michael's indie bands).

-I graduated high school.

-I went through 3 phones.

-and a Zune

-I'd like to think that I learned a lot, and personally, I like the way my mind works.

-I think this is the longest blog I've ever written.

-I also think I need to blog more.

-The glass is definitely half full now.

-Am I too old for a 15 year old?

Yes, that is my thought process. haha.

If my gigantic rant inspired a change in you, take it! Change is not something to be feared.

If you think I'm ridiculous after my gigantic rant, that's okay, I still less-than-three you. (<3)

I seriously love you all and I'm glad you're all in my life (however much that might be), you guys made me who I am.

Whew! Done? haha, not even close.

This is the beginning.

Love,
Berto