Monday, April 30, 2007


(this is where i wish i was^^^)

so i'm gonna be like everyone else and do a remember when list, of recent things most likely, unless i happen to remember something awesome haha. don't be surprised if i mentioned some of the ones i did in my last one.

Remember when...

i showed up to prom and everyone was really confused?

you had to get me out of bed? you had quite a hard time haha

we sat on your roof talking about strange things that are hardly ever mentioned? you realized i was a deep thinker

we wrote that first song? everything just kind of clicked together and i knew we had the right people in the band at that point

it was only 3 days? it was short, but i was the happiest i had been in more than a year, everyday i wish i could be like that

i was your replacement date? it was the first time i got to know you and we had so much fun

you met my cousins when we were on a walk?

we went to that place two days in a row to throw rocks? those two days did more for me than anything has in pretty much any situation, and i'm very thankful that you were there to help

we came and not visited you?

all those little things happened on Sundays? still my favorite day, even if i rarely get it anymore

we realized you didn't have my phone number all this time?

you opened your iPod and i helped you get your music on it?

the little dog jumped on the love sac and you freaked out?

we realized that bands like to stalk us and write songs about our lives?

we'd pass notes in algebra? haha, it reminds me of things i never got to do before then

i shared that song with you? "this place is a prison...these people aren't your friends.." the perfect song for the perfect moment, and on shuffle too. weird.

we'd be lazy? i really liked that

you told me to choose where to go, then left elsewhere? i'm never choosing again

he ripped his pants open?

you threatened me with Anton?

we stayed up talking on the phone for so long? I still need to finish my life story

you told me a story about unicorns? i was smiling the entire time

you asked me to El Cheapo and i didn't even realize what was going on?

i walked you to your car?

i'd leave smiley faces on your calculator?

we went to her house and watched that movie? you freaked out and i had to carry you

they puked up the fake pastry?

it was your first day and you got a girl on your lap? that only would happen to you

we played GTA and ate all that food? what a lazy day

(this is mostly for me) that night in September? it was the worst day leading to the worst week of my life, but i know it helped me grow up a lot....i just wish it had happened some other way...i know i wouldn't be like i am in the sense that i might actually be content with life, because i haven't really gotten up from that. (if you don't know what i'm talking about, you can ask, just do it in person)

that's all for now..short, i know, but i was having a hard time remembering things, so i'll make another one sometime.


P.S. look at the elephant!!!!

Saturday, April 28, 2007


if you want a summary of my life right now, go listen to Mr. Brigthside, or sing it or something, i know you all know it. It's kind of weird how some songs are just written about you. Anyway, that will be all for now.


Wednesday, April 25, 2007


Hope is a strange thing. It can keep someone going and in the end it will all have been for nothing, or it will have been for everything the person wanted. It's kind of a curse, but it is far from it at the same time. yes, those are my own thoughts, just thought I'd share that with you.

So life is....I don't even know...Britta used a good word the other day, apathetic. that might be it, although leaning more towards the sad/depressed/hate the world side.

anyway, guess what?


I'm done caring. sorry people, I don't give a shit.


P.S. Orem sounds promising...

Thursday, April 19, 2007


we got the house! yes, the little house that everyone was so happy about weeeeee. i am so so so glad to say that we finally got a place to live. i'm really glad we got that house too, i got rather attached to it with my two visits. our agent called us today and told us that they accepted our offer and we just had to sign some papers then the process of it being ours would be under way. it could take as long as two weeks for us to be able to start moving in, but it's pretty much a sure thing now. for those of you who don't know, the house is just behind Maverick (and it has a loft) which means i'll be a lot closer to a lot of you, but further away to some. well, whenever you get the chance, come see me and i'll show you the house if you haven't already seen it, or if you want to see it again. haha. well that's that.

so...right now i feel that i should be a lot sadder, you should all know why by now, but i'm not really sad at all. it's a good sign really, but it doesn't mean my feelings have changed about anything, i guess i'm just barely accepting things how they are because i know it will never change. it's kind of depressing, but it's how life goes. i just wanna say that i really don't get why people do the things they do. love they call it, but i'm still trying to figure out what it all means...why does it make us do things in such a hurried manner? most people never even end up thinking about what they're doing, as i've already experience myself. the human brain is a strange thing, but the heart is even more so.

that's probably the best i've been able to get my feelings into words. holy crap, go Berto.

Love(haha...just when i got done talking about it),

Sunday, April 15, 2007


17 seconds of compassion

17 seconds of peace

17 seconds to remember love is the energy

behind which all is created

17 seconds to remember all that is good

17 seconds to forget all hurt and pain

17 seconds of faith

17 seconds to trust you again

17 seconds of radiance

17 seconds to send a prayer up

17 seconds is all you really need

i hate life

you know, i kind of wish i was moving somewhere else in a way.

No Love,

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Another song

i'm depressed, i wish i could write songs. pay special attention the the 3rd...paragraph

The End of Heartache
by Killswitch Engage

Seek me, call me
I'll be waiting

Seek me, call me
I'll be waiting

This distance, this dissolution
I cling to memories while falling
Sleep brings release, and the hope of a new day
Waking the misery of being without you

Surrender, I give in
Another moment is another eternity

(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace
(I'll be waiting here) For the end of my broken heart
(Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting
(I'll be waiting here) For the end of my broken heart

You know me, you know me all too well
My only desire - to bridge our division

In sorrow I speak your name
And my voice mirrors, mirrors my torment

(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace
(I'll be waiting here) For the end of my broken heart
(Seek me) Completion, (Call me) I'll be waiting
(I'll be waiting here) For the end of my broken heart

Am I breathing?
My strength fails me
Your picture, a bitter memory

For comfort, for solace

(Seek me) For comfort, (Call me) For solace
(I'll be waiting) For the end of my broken heart

P.S. it's 1 AM and i have to take the ACT. i hate not being able to sleep.

Mellon Collie

did a Myspace blog instead of this for some reason, it's a short one.



P.S. comment here or there if you'd like. whatever works for you.