Sotto Voce

So lately I've had to think about something that hasn't gone through my mind in a long time.

Moving back to Mexico.

It's nothing serious right now, but it's to the point where my parents have seriously discussed a plan in case things go badly.

It kind of makes me nervous. I have no idea what I would do in Mexico. Seriously. It's just something that's so foreign to me now, I would definitely feel out of place.

I really don't get why I'm such a threat to so many people in this country. I pay taxes, I'm a college student, and I lead a life comparable to many Americans'. Why am I so different?

People talk about the Civil Rights era like it's something of the past, but I think it's still very much an issue. Now anti-immigrant people are using the economy issue to push for anti-immigration laws. And it's working too.

By now I have to worry about renewing (and paying for) my "license" every year (which I can't even use as a valid ID), finding a job where people won't screw me over for being an immigrant, not being eligible for any scholarships or financial aid, the possibility of having to pay out-of-state tuition, getting my degree done asap, and maybe even getting deported.

Just because I was born somewhere else (it doesn't matter that I've lived here almost 11 years now). Not because I don't pay taxes, not because I steal, not because I rape people, not because I'm in a gang, not because I killed someone (which is apparently what immigrants do). Nope. I have done nothing wrong and apparently I'm using all the things a "real" American could be using or doing.

I'm sorry, but if you lose your job to someone that can't even speak English, it's about you, not them.

That's also why I refuse to say the pledge (besides the fact that you're talking to a flag). I mean, land of the free? really?

Well enough of that. I think you get my point. If you think I deserve to be kicked out, that's alright, I still love you.

Love,
Berto

P.S. Tomorrow is the day for change. I hope for some positive change regarding this subject. Woo Obama!

A Movie Script Ending

I feel like sharing with you all some drumsets that I really like. Okay. Go.

They're all super attractive (like you all) and I would love playing on any of them. Especially the blue ddrum *drool*

So if you're considering a late birthday present, one of these will do the trick :)

Love,
Berto

P.S. The Gretsch is pretty fantastic as well.

On Letting Go

So I finally seem to be in the mood of writing a blog.

Yet as I sit down to write, nothing immediately comes to mind. It just seems to be more about my emotions, I guess.

::

Ever since everyone left for college, I've been thinking a lot about the friends I have and what they mean to me. It's kind of sad, haha. I don't consider a great too many people to be my actual friends, even less to be good friends, even less great friends etc. etc.

You could speculate whatever you wish as to why this is, but I'm gonna try to explain it.

I feel like I give a lot to my friends. My dad is actually always bringing it up, saying I don't do nearly enough for them (my parents) in comparison to my friends. Because of this, I guess I have a higher expectation than most as to what to expect from friends, and I feel like very few people actually fullfill that. I mean, I remember when people were writing blogs telling everyone individually why they were great friends and stuff and when I attempted to write one, I pretty much failed because I felt like I couldn't come up with enough for most people (it was in draft for like 6 months).

When I think about friends, I think about people that will listen to me no matter what. People that will drop something to come comfort me (I realize some things are more important than listening to me talk). People that actually truly want to hang out with me, rather than feel like it's just one of their obligations as a "friend." That's about all I look for really. When I try to call most people, they either don't answer or are too busy. It's alright though, people have their lives to live. I understand that.

Truth is, I've felt like this a lot.

Now that everyone is gone, I feel even more forgotten and left out. Like I mentioned in one of my previous blogs, I'm always too young for the college kids, and outcasted by the high schoolers for having graduated. It's not really on purpose, in both cases it's more about my inability to fit in.

You're probably thinking this is just some Berto whining, like always. It's okay, you can think whatever you want, I guess if you made it this far you actually care to some extent. The truth is, I'm perfectly happy. Most people seem to take my observations as whining and complaining, and that's alright, it does sound like it, but I'm telling you right now that it isn't.

It seems I'm just trying to explain it to myself as much as anyone else. It helps me to put my thoughts, feelings and observations into writing to make sure I'm being rational, because if one things bugs me in this world, it's people who are irrational.

I realize I haven't been the funnest person to hang out in the past because I was moody or emo or whatever you want to call it. That's understandable, I'm not blaming anyone for anything. There's just a big difference in calling like 10 people and finally getting one of them to come hang out as compared to having someone call you.

Well, I think I'm done with that ridiculous rant. Moving on.

::

So as the year comes to and end, it is a common reaction to start reflecting upon the past year. All in all, I'm pretty happy with who I am and what I'm about. Mostly because I know exactly who I am and what I'm about haha. If you come to realize something, it should be that you should find yourself and make yourself who you want to be. With this, I've come to be a happy person and love life.

Many many things happened this year, holy cow.

And right now, my mind is filled with too many things, to the point where my paragraphs don't make sense because I jump around a lot. haha.

So I will end with some year-end thoughts:

-I went to 12 concerts.

-I got a 3.0 gpa for my fall semester, which makes my overal gpa 3.12.

-I got a yellow shirt for Christmas. I will be looking forward to wearing it.

-I played drums in front of people more than I ever have before.

-I got into a bunch of crazy bands (but not as crazy as Michael's indie bands).

-I graduated high school.

-I went through 3 phones.

-and a Zune

-I'd like to think that I learned a lot, and personally, I like the way my mind works.

-I think this is the longest blog I've ever written.

-I also think I need to blog more.

-The glass is definitely half full now.

-Am I too old for a 15 year old?

Yes, that is my thought process. haha.

If my gigantic rant inspired a change in you, take it! Change is not something to be feared.

If you think I'm ridiculous after my gigantic rant, that's okay, I still less-than-three you. (<3)

I seriously love you all and I'm glad you're all in my life (however much that might be), you guys made me who I am.

Whew! Done? haha, not even close.

This is the beginning.

Love,
Berto