Parabol

All I know right now is that I need to type a blog. Problem: I have nothing to write! Let's see how this goes...

Well I get to go back to school tomorrow after Thanksgiving break...I don't know how you guys would feel about it, but I hate having a class at 7, it makes for pretty horrible Mondays.

Right now I'm listening to the title of my last blog by Underoath. You all should listen to it, I think it's a wonderful song (most of you would like it, I think). It's very moving to me, for some reason.

I'm pretty excited for the holidays to be here. After I've been through so much school, I kind of get sick of it and start slacking :) So I need a break so I can be motivated about school again.

Speaking of which, next semester should be fun because I have my very first Digital Media (my intended major) class! And I also made sure to have my first class start at 8:30.

Althought I'm sure I've told some of you, I'll be playing in the Lee Music concert on Friday. It would be fun for you guys to attend and watch me make faces as I play drums. haha. I'll also be singing a couple of songs, so that should be interesting. It's at 7 p.m. at the old Senior Citizen center (the one behind town hall).

I guess that's it for now.

Love,
Berto

P.S. Oh, and Desolate Earth :: The End Is Here is another good one by Underoath.

Too Bright To See, Too Loud To Hear

So I don't know if any of you remember, but since sometime last year, I've been making the titles of my blogs names of songs. So far, Underoath songs are dominating; they're always really interesting, and don't come from lyrics in the song. It makes me think of what they were thinking about when they came up with the title. Interesting, no?

Anyway, it is November and winter is biting at our ankles

I am SO excited.

Except for not being able to buy a pass to The Canyons because I don't have enough money for one.

But that does not mean that I will not be snowboarding this winter, I will definitely find a way (and probably go a couple of days to The Canyons as well, for those of you who want me to come).

Since I'm at Lee Music all the time, either filling in for Krystal or just hanging out, I'm playing drums on many songs in the Winter concert. It's on December 5th at the Old Senior Citizen Center so you all are more than welcome to come.

I guess I really have no more to say on the matter of my life at the moment. Be happy everyone, it's not hard.

Love,
Berto

Composure

So after looking at my blog today, I realized the latest entry ended in a rather bleak note.

This is me telling everyone that I'm completely fine, like any blog entry, it was just how I felt at that moment. I got over it in like a day. haha. I'm really happy.

Not that anyone was worried, anyway.

That's all. Expect a "full" blog soon enough, I'm just too sleepy to do one now.

Love,
Berto

P.S. The title of the xkcd comic that accompanies this blog is "Scantron" when I first looked at it, I was thoroughly convinced that it said "Scranton" for about 10 seconds. Hooray dyslexia.

Hurt

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
-NIN

I am completely alone.

Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)

Hello,

It's been a while since my last blog.

Since then, I've found that I really like working with kids. It's kind of strange (to me), but I enjoy myself a lot. I've been doing a lot of things in regards to that.

A couple of weeks ago I attended the Mountain View Fellowship (which incidentally is in Heber, on your way to Park City) church and helped out with the kids' service there by playing drums. It's really exciting to be playing music and seeing the kids get way into it. After we're done with all the music, we help the kids do some sort of activity which is usually pretty fun.

At this church (it's actually in a huge house), I met a lady whose two kids really wanted to play drums and guitar, respectively. So I made a deal with her that I would teach them. And that was the whole deal :) They came over yesterday night and they learned the basics of each. The little drummer kid is 8 and the guitar-er is 10 or so. Drummers are cooler :p They'll be coming over every Tuesday for a lesson.

And lastly, I decided that I would volunteer at the middle school to help out with all the little niños that don't know how to speak English. I went and talked to Mr. Case and he seemed really excited about me even considering such a thing. I'm still expecting a call back from him, so i'll see how that goes. I might even get payed.

Which would solve the me trying to find a job problem. Yep, I still don't have a job. I know, I know, I'm a slacker. I've applied at...too many places too remember and I've asked around like crazy. I decided that I'm probably gonna seek a job in a place where people like me are more widely accepted (long haired, t-shirt wearers). Park City, most likely, but maybe even Provo. Of course, it'd have to pay really well for me to have to drive to Provo for it.

That's about all life has been as of late.

And everyone, listen to The Arcade Fire. They may remind you of: Modest Mouse, Interpol, Anathallo. They're pretty great. Listen to the title of this blog, which is one of my favorite songs by them.

Love,
Berto

Breathing In A New Mentality

In regards to the title, the new Underoath cd is frickin' great.

Well here goes a blog rant, cause I have nothing planned.

What have I been up to lately? Just school basically. I have classes M-T in the morning, so those occupy my time for a portion of the day. Especially English 2010 and History 1700.

I'm keeping up, but I could be doing better. But considering how my grades in high school were, it's quite an improvement.

Lately, I've been reading webcomics a lot. At the moment, I am currently keeping tabs on about 6 of them. Shows how much time I commit to other things besides sitting at the computer.

And I'm also slowly starting to slip back into the habit of playing video games in an addictive manner. And I really don't care about it, I mean, I've done it a lot, it's just that within the last year, I actually had things to do, and now I don't. It's proof, I guess?

I really don't know what to do with myself most of the time, I guess you could say. I usually get really anxious to want to do something and end up just walking/driving aimlessly. I haven't really made friends with anyone at the college at all, so woo for that, and I never get called to to stuff by my current friends. It's no fun.

And yes, I do call them, I don't just sit at home and expect people to call.

Keep in mind, I always sound like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. I'm just merely pointing out/informing you about things in my life.

Love,
Berto

P.S. After reflecting on the things I said, I sound just like I always have. That's true, but I really don't feel like I used to, which I see as a good thing. Lately (since like last year sometime), I've been really content with life in general, even if Maddy's not here/I don't have friends etc.. I think I've finally just found the joy of simply being able to live. :) It's great. (Kind of goes with the title).

P.P.S. I've been thinking I want to do my own comic cause I'm always walking around or something, and I'm like "Hey that'd be a funny comic" Of course it would be all about my weird observations. But it would be entertaining to try out, I think. What do you kids think, yes no?

Casting Such A Thin Shadow

So everyone's gone.

Since I don't have a job and don't have school yet, my days have been pretty uneventful. I also feel terribly alone.

I fear for my college life. I visited Maddy in Cedar last Friday and got to see what that was like. A city full of new people and tons of activities planned. After I was coming home, I realized more and more that my college life would be nothing like that. No welcome weeks, get-to-know-each-other-gatherings, or anything like that. I'm gonna have like 15 people in all my classes, most of which will be way older than me (especially considering I'm 17). All the high school kids are kind of alienated from me cause I'm weird and old. It's an awkward stage to be at living in Heber City.

My days have mostly consisted of either being alone at my house, or wandering around Heber, also by myself. Little connection to other people, if any, is usually made during these wanderings.

Also, all my friends that are gone are busy getting adjusted to their new college life and meeting new people. This makes me feel further from them then they really are. Especially Maddy.

On top of this, I'm considering seeking psychological help because I'm close to certain that I have been affected by depression for way too long.

This is where everyone says "wah, Berto."

Love,
Berto

In Her Drawer

So basically, this xkcd kind of sums it up for me. To some extent, anyway.

Love,
Berto