Hurt

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
-NIN

I am completely alone.

Neighborhood #3 (Power Out)

Hello,

It's been a while since my last blog.

Since then, I've found that I really like working with kids. It's kind of strange (to me), but I enjoy myself a lot. I've been doing a lot of things in regards to that.

A couple of weeks ago I attended the Mountain View Fellowship (which incidentally is in Heber, on your way to Park City) church and helped out with the kids' service there by playing drums. It's really exciting to be playing music and seeing the kids get way into it. After we're done with all the music, we help the kids do some sort of activity which is usually pretty fun.

At this church (it's actually in a huge house), I met a lady whose two kids really wanted to play drums and guitar, respectively. So I made a deal with her that I would teach them. And that was the whole deal :) They came over yesterday night and they learned the basics of each. The little drummer kid is 8 and the guitar-er is 10 or so. Drummers are cooler :p They'll be coming over every Tuesday for a lesson.

And lastly, I decided that I would volunteer at the middle school to help out with all the little niños that don't know how to speak English. I went and talked to Mr. Case and he seemed really excited about me even considering such a thing. I'm still expecting a call back from him, so i'll see how that goes. I might even get payed.

Which would solve the me trying to find a job problem. Yep, I still don't have a job. I know, I know, I'm a slacker. I've applied at...too many places too remember and I've asked around like crazy. I decided that I'm probably gonna seek a job in a place where people like me are more widely accepted (long haired, t-shirt wearers). Park City, most likely, but maybe even Provo. Of course, it'd have to pay really well for me to have to drive to Provo for it.

That's about all life has been as of late.

And everyone, listen to The Arcade Fire. They may remind you of: Modest Mouse, Interpol, Anathallo. They're pretty great. Listen to the title of this blog, which is one of my favorite songs by them.

Love,
Berto

Breathing In A New Mentality

In regards to the title, the new Underoath cd is frickin' great.

Well here goes a blog rant, cause I have nothing planned.

What have I been up to lately? Just school basically. I have classes M-T in the morning, so those occupy my time for a portion of the day. Especially English 2010 and History 1700.

I'm keeping up, but I could be doing better. But considering how my grades in high school were, it's quite an improvement.

Lately, I've been reading webcomics a lot. At the moment, I am currently keeping tabs on about 6 of them. Shows how much time I commit to other things besides sitting at the computer.

And I'm also slowly starting to slip back into the habit of playing video games in an addictive manner. And I really don't care about it, I mean, I've done it a lot, it's just that within the last year, I actually had things to do, and now I don't. It's proof, I guess?

I really don't know what to do with myself most of the time, I guess you could say. I usually get really anxious to want to do something and end up just walking/driving aimlessly. I haven't really made friends with anyone at the college at all, so woo for that, and I never get called to to stuff by my current friends. It's no fun.

And yes, I do call them, I don't just sit at home and expect people to call.

Keep in mind, I always sound like I'm complaining, but I'm really not. I'm just merely pointing out/informing you about things in my life.

Love,
Berto

P.S. After reflecting on the things I said, I sound just like I always have. That's true, but I really don't feel like I used to, which I see as a good thing. Lately (since like last year sometime), I've been really content with life in general, even if Maddy's not here/I don't have friends etc.. I think I've finally just found the joy of simply being able to live. :) It's great. (Kind of goes with the title).

P.P.S. I've been thinking I want to do my own comic cause I'm always walking around or something, and I'm like "Hey that'd be a funny comic" Of course it would be all about my weird observations. But it would be entertaining to try out, I think. What do you kids think, yes no?